That's me with my childhood need/request being met some 40 years later. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Attended an intensive under the Coaching Accelerator Program I am going through and during class, we talked about how to really up your coaching level by understanding what is happening in the field and understanding what is happening in the client's primary and secondary levels of consciousness.
I ended up as an example person and spent time talking about how my feeling of "not enough" has become my best excuse not to move forward and how it as affected almost every area of my life and every interaction I have had with others. And the root of this was an incident in my childhood.
My sis had her birthday in December and while shopping for her birthday present with my mum, I felt this strong need to have a present too so I asked my mum if she could also buy me a present. My mum's reply? "Don't forget you are only 87..." cos I scored 87% overall marks in school that year and could have scored more if I didn't make "careless mistakes" in exam. My mum is just refusing to reward me for being careless which is I guess typical parenting.
But as a kid, I just couldn't understand why she couldn't buy me a present. I mean, even if she bought me a $1 biscuit, I would have been happy. So I assumed in my 9 or 10 year old brain that it must be because my mum thinks I am not good enough.
And since I am not good enough and not even worthy for her to buy a $1 biscuit, I will take out my heart, my value and my self worth, throw them on the floor and trample all over them... That will show her!
And of course I conveniently forgotten about this little tantrum and decision I made after.
Growing up, I was aware but didn't understand why I never felt enough internally. People come up to me all the time to tell me what a great person I am or tell me about my amazing gifts but I never could connect with what they said cos i felt perpetually that I was never enough.
And so to make up for it, I worked hard on being enough, on being liked, being useful, being efficient. But still it was never enough. I still got divorced, I still lost dear friends and still struggled to be the model worker/girlfriend/wife/friend and became a doormat in many of my relationships. Whenever things went wrong, the first person I would blame is me for not being enough.
Over the years, I have started to gain awareness about this piece and started to work on it. slowly regained my personal power and I took steps forward and became a self-declared "reformed doormat". I even became a life coach along the way ...
That weekend at the intensive, deeper part of this piece surfaced and got itself worked through in two parts.
The first part was going back to that old wound to meet my needs. My class of fellow coaches went out and bought me all sorts of biscuits in different sizes during their lunch break so I could regain the feeling that I was enough for all lovely types of biscuits in all flavours and sizes! Now, not only am I enough, I am abundant! So thankful to their generosity as most of my classmates have only known me for 3 months or less!
The second part was a very intimate, gentle process. Till now, I have no words to describe what happened to me. The best I can do is to say that the part of me that believed I was not enough literally died and got brought back to life again... essentially transforming the part of my mind with the perception that I was not enough to connect back with my essence of who I really am so it can replace this mistaken thought.
So has anything changed? I can't really say... I feel different after. My family say that when they look at me something feels different but they cannot place what changed.
While I was chatting with a friend who is a fellow coach, she told me that even a simple conversation with me felt like a powerful coaching session and she could really feel the levelling up of my coaching.
After this powerful experience, I now understand even more intently that coaching is not just asking good questions or remembering to validate your client's emotions. Good coaching is the ability to decipher the hidden inner narratives that is running your client's life, calling them out into the open to raise awareness and being able to move them into a new position that carries new energy so they can move forward in their life.
If you are looking to also experience deep, meaningful and impactful shifts in your life, contact me to schedule your free Discovery Session with me today!
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