The love we feel for our mother, is a natural lubricant to create a good relationship with our mothers.
Very often, the relationship with our mothers will affect our relationship with female authority figures like teachers, female bosses and even our relationship with our spouses.
People who have bad relationship with their mothers can find it challenging to have a very loving and easy relationship with their spouses.
So loving our mother is important right?
While that may be the case, the love for our mother only comes naturally when your mother is an expressive, loving mum and you don't really have much grievances towards her.
So loving our mother is important right?
While that may be the case, the love for our mother only comes naturally when your mother is an expressive, loving mum and you don't really have much grievances towards her.
For someone who has had a difficult mother, distant mother or event abusive mother growing up, the love can often be overshadowed by feelings of anger, blame, guilt and even hatred.
The Difficult Mother
If we had a mother who may have been controlling, have high expectations, difficulty in expressing love in a loving way, or had a bad temper, or had given out extreme punishments (very often due to lack of confidence as a parent), just how do we love them?
I remember some years back, during one of the workshops I attended, someone mentioned that they had difficulty getting close to their mother because their mother is perpetually shouting at and scolding her children.
Because of this, all the children will hide in their rooms whenever they come home.
What the mother doesn't realize though that in shouting at her children, she has created a vicious cycle:
She shouts
-> the children close the door so that cannot hear her
-> She wants to be heard so shouts louder
-> So the children pretend to sleep
-> and she shouts somemore to get more attention
To the child, it seems like the way out is to just hide from their mother and her shouting. But the antidote to stop all the shouting is quite the opposite.
"Get closer to your mother, hug her, kiss her, surprise her and make her laugh."
But mothers are just like us too. They just want to feel loved, included and respected. Here are some easy ways to get you started.
The trainer humorously shared that a woman's mouth is used for a few reasons: eating, kissing, smoking, chatting... and we actually can choose which one we will like our mom's to use their mouths for. If we ate with them and chatted with them more... or kissed them more, naturally they would shout or nag less.
I remember some years back, during one of the workshops I attended, someone mentioned that they had difficulty getting close to their mother because their mother is perpetually shouting at and scolding her children.
Because of this, all the children will hide in their rooms whenever they come home.
What the mother doesn't realize though that in shouting at her children, she has created a vicious cycle:
She shouts
-> the children close the door so that cannot hear her
-> She wants to be heard so shouts louder
-> So the children pretend to sleep
-> and she shouts somemore to get more attention
To the child, it seems like the way out is to just hide from their mother and her shouting. But the antidote to stop all the shouting is quite the opposite.
"Get closer to your mother, hug her, kiss her, surprise her and make her laugh."
How To Make Your Mother Happy And Make Her Feel That She Is Being Loved?
If we are not used to showing our love for our mothers, it can be quite difficult to know what to do.But mothers are just like us too. They just want to feel loved, included and respected. Here are some easy ways to get you started.
- Ask for her advice about things
- Go closer to her (energetically and emotionally)
- Give her a hug and a kiss
The trainer humorously shared that a woman's mouth is used for a few reasons: eating, kissing, smoking, chatting... and we actually can choose which one we will like our mom's to use their mouths for. If we ate with them and chatted with them more... or kissed them more, naturally they would shout or nag less.
The Scary, Angry Mother
That being said, getting closer to an angry mum is not an easy thing to do.
Usually though, mothers may seem scary are so because we project the太母 (Great Mother) archetype on our own mums. In psychology, archetypes are universal patterns and images that are part of the collective unconscious that have been passed down.
Archetypes are preconceived notions we have about certain character and their characteristics in our unconscious mind. When we see a positive archetype like hero, saints, we want to become like them. When we meet people with a negative archetype, we fear that if we get near, we will be swallowed.
Therefore, when we see a Great Mother/Terrible Mother archetype in our mother, we are afraid of getting closer. The archetype of a Terrible Mother acts as a symbol for death and destruction. If we project the Terrible Mother archetype on our mothers, we become afraid of being like them or being destroyed by them if we get near.
But when we do that, we are not seeing her for the true self. We are seeing her through the lens of our archetype projection.
Usually though, mothers may seem scary are so because we project the太母 (Great Mother) archetype on our own mums. In psychology, archetypes are universal patterns and images that are part of the collective unconscious that have been passed down.
Archetypes are preconceived notions we have about certain character and their characteristics in our unconscious mind. When we see a positive archetype like hero, saints, we want to become like them. When we meet people with a negative archetype, we fear that if we get near, we will be swallowed.
Therefore, when we see a Great Mother/Terrible Mother archetype in our mother, we are afraid of getting closer. The archetype of a Terrible Mother acts as a symbol for death and destruction. If we project the Terrible Mother archetype on our mothers, we become afraid of being like them or being destroyed by them if we get near.
But when we do that, we are not seeing her for the true self. We are seeing her through the lens of our archetype projection.
The Way Out
The only way to love our mother no matter how scary she is and just keep giving love to her.
If it takes courage to go talk to her and get closer to her, it is easy to start by energetically sending love to her. As that becomes easier to do, we can find the courage to get closer to our mothers and start connecting in person too.
Sometimes when we try to love our mothers, we may also be rejected at the start. It is important that we remember not to take that personally and give up because of that. Sometimes our mothers seem to react negatively to our attempts to love them because they may not feel worthy of love or be very used to receiving love.
And what happens if our mothers are not around us anymore of haven't met up with us in a long time? Even if we do not see our mothers and even if they pass on, the connection is always present energetically. This also means that even if they are no longer around us or here with us, we are willing to forgive them for all that they have done and just choose to love them energetically, we can still find a way out.
The important thing is that we choose to love them no matter what.
In my experience on nurturing the loving relationship with my own mother, I find that an improvement in the quality of our relationship had a direct impact on the quality of my life.
If it takes courage to go talk to her and get closer to her, it is easy to start by energetically sending love to her. As that becomes easier to do, we can find the courage to get closer to our mothers and start connecting in person too.
Sometimes when we try to love our mothers, we may also be rejected at the start. It is important that we remember not to take that personally and give up because of that. Sometimes our mothers seem to react negatively to our attempts to love them because they may not feel worthy of love or be very used to receiving love.
And what happens if our mothers are not around us anymore of haven't met up with us in a long time? Even if we do not see our mothers and even if they pass on, the connection is always present energetically. This also means that even if they are no longer around us or here with us, we are willing to forgive them for all that they have done and just choose to love them energetically, we can still find a way out.
The important thing is that we choose to love them no matter what.
In my experience on nurturing the loving relationship with my own mother, I find that an improvement in the quality of our relationship had a direct impact on the quality of my life.
When your relationship with your mother improves, it is easy to find that life becomes much more in the flow and relationships with all become more enjoyable.
A friend of mine who had been living overseas for many years had recently returned home. As they haven't been living together, the friend had been feeling somewhat distant towards his mother even though they had an okay relationship.
A friend of mine who had been living overseas for many years had recently returned home. As they haven't been living together, the friend had been feeling somewhat distant towards his mother even though they had an okay relationship.
Over time with his commitment to have a better relationship with her, he has been spending time to bring her out for meals, chatting with her and showing his love in many small ways. Their relationship has blossomed and he noted that this seems to make receiving success and abundance in his life much easier. A few years after he returned, his mum passed away due to illness and looking back, he mentioned that he was glad he was back in time to spend time with her, get to know her and have a chance to show love to her.
Commit to loving your mother and choosing to give her more and more love no matter what. Don't take my word for it. Try it for a few months and see what happens!
Commit to loving your mother and choosing to give her more and more love no matter what. Don't take my word for it. Try it for a few months and see what happens!
Are you going through something similar?
If this resonated with you, I'd love to have a conversation. I work with people navigating life's biggest transitions — divorce, loss, change, relationships, parenting, and health. Book a free 30-minute discovery call and let's talk about where you are and where you want to go.
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