Attachments are one of the main reasons why people are in pain. The larger the attachment, the larger the pain.
When we let go of attachments, we are able to immediately go back into the flow and move forward in our life instead of staying stuck with what we are holding on to.
Of course, the new stage or new step might feel uncomfortable or unpleasant to but as long as we keep letting go, we would eventually come to a solution and and end for all this pain.
One good example was my divorce
I remembered this time in my previous marriage where I was in so much pain. It was maybe a year before I had gotten divorce and we had just gradually grown apart, I had felt so alone, so unloved and small and I was literally withering within and dying while I put on tonnes of weight and looked really unhappy. I would spent tonnes of time playing Pokemon Go to occupy my time and my thoughts just to numb the pain. I was often alone in my bed crying almost every other night and it was truly the most unhappy time I had every experienced in my life. I felt stuck and it felt like there was no way out of this pain.However, the first release came when I was watching a tv show and saw how the female character was loved deeply by her man. I finally decided that I was sick of staying in a loveless marriage and I prayed silently to the heavens to please give me someone who loves me, never mind if this person is not my ex husband. And with this release of attachment to who or how my love life should be, my life moved forward.
Alas, not in the way I was expecting.
2 Weeks later, my my ex husband told me that he wanted to divorce me as he no longer loved me anymore.
I fell right back into pain because I really wanted to hold on to the love, the relationship and the memories we had even though things had already changed much and he barely looked at or smiled at me. I couldn't believe how the happiest woman on earth had "suddenly" lost everything and fallen into hell.
For the next few months, I lived on in immense pain and would was constantly crying whenever my son fell asleep. I tried to live on courageously, I tried to move forward but secretly, I kept holding on to a secret wish that he might change his mind about us.
My next decision to let go more came at a point my ex was hospitalized for brain injury. When visiting him, I saw him smile at someone else and suddenly realized that I had not seen this smiling face in a long, long while even though I was his wife! I finally accepted that he no longer loved me and it was finally time to fully let go because it was foolish to hold on.
I cried all the way when I left hospital. I cried on the bus and cried all the way to my next "appointment".
I fell right back into pain because I really wanted to hold on to the love, the relationship and the memories we had even though things had already changed much and he barely looked at or smiled at me. I couldn't believe how the happiest woman on earth had "suddenly" lost everything and fallen into hell.
For the next few months, I lived on in immense pain and would was constantly crying whenever my son fell asleep. I tried to live on courageously, I tried to move forward but secretly, I kept holding on to a secret wish that he might change his mind about us.
My next decision to let go more came at a point my ex was hospitalized for brain injury. When visiting him, I saw him smile at someone else and suddenly realized that I had not seen this smiling face in a long, long while even though I was his wife! I finally accepted that he no longer loved me and it was finally time to fully let go because it was foolish to hold on.
I cried all the way when I left hospital. I cried on the bus and cried all the way to my next "appointment".
The tears offered some release as I let go of all these secret wishes and romantic notions of getting together again. I cried as I let go of my attachments to all the bad times... and especially the good times we had spent together.
I cried as I let go of what I thought it could have been and how I thought we could have lived happily together forever.
I cried as I let go of our broken promise to work things out and never get divorced no matter what.
I cried as I let go of of how small I had become and what I laughing stock I was that when he told me he wanted to divorce me, all I wanted to do was to keep ironing his shirts and mending his buttons that had dropped out.
I cried as I let go of all the humiliation I felt when I was trying hard to make things work but he just said he "felt nothing" after all I had done.
Though it was immensely painful. I had finally started to let go of my attachment on him.
With it came immense freedom and flow of finally moving forward in my life. The letting go process didn't happen overnight. I just kept letting go and taking new steps in my life forward whenever I had the awareness. I built a new career, a new life, made new friends, moved to a new house, earned a new coaching qualification and had a new hairstyle. Eventually I even found new love:)
Because I was willing to let go of my attachments, heavens really sent me a man who loves me. I now have a partner who adores me and takes good care of me and my family. He is funny, loving, gentle and caring. He was always ready to work things out together with me and listen to me when it matters. He is always there for me and was my rock when my dad passed away and it was better than I could have ever asked for.
Though it was immensely painful. I had finally started to let go of my attachment on him.
With it came immense freedom and flow of finally moving forward in my life. The letting go process didn't happen overnight. I just kept letting go and taking new steps in my life forward whenever I had the awareness. I built a new career, a new life, made new friends, moved to a new house, earned a new coaching qualification and had a new hairstyle. Eventually I even found new love:)
Because I was willing to let go of my attachments, heavens really sent me a man who loves me. I now have a partner who adores me and takes good care of me and my family. He is funny, loving, gentle and caring. He was always ready to work things out together with me and listen to me when it matters. He is always there for me and was my rock when my dad passed away and it was better than I could have ever asked for.
And as I let go of more attachments, my broody teenage son started smiling again, his dad started dating again and even got married again. Everything and everyone just got better.
Sounds like something you might want to try to let go of pain?
Here some things that we can let go of to immediately add some happiness to our lives and bring us back into the flow!
Expectations: One of the fastest ways we could return to peace is to let go of expectations. Expectations only build disappointments when they aren't met. Imagine yourself putting in so much effort and resources to get a first row VIP ticket to the Taylor Swift World Tour only to find when you arrive at the concert to find that you had bought the wrong tickets and was actually attending the concert of Boy George. Expectations that are not met always means pain. If you are expecting someone else to change, to do something, not do something, to become someone, to take care of your needs, u are just setting yourself up for more pain. Letting go of expectations and accepting what is can help us feel peaceful and return us to a balanced, centered state.
Grievances: When we keep holding on to what another person did wrong and how they made us angry, upset or unhappy, we become attached to the grievance. Say if a husband and wife had a major fight and both held on to their grievances towards each other, they wouldn't even have the space to see what truly is the issue or have a chance to work together to overcome it. All they can see in front of them is how wrong or how bad the other person is and hence, the relationship has no space to work itself out. It is the same even if the grievances were towards our family or the people around us. I remember holding a grievance towards someone and as a result, I felt that everything nice they did for me, was "fake". If they gave me a present, I didn't appreciate it. If they took care of me, I assumed they wanted to look good in front of others. It was only when I let go of the grievance that I could truly feel their kindness, care and friendship and enjoy hanging out with them and see them for who they are.
Sounds like something you might want to try to let go of pain?
Here some things that we can let go of to immediately add some happiness to our lives and bring us back into the flow!
Letting Go Of..
The good times and the bad times: Hanging on to the good times or the bad times (it is different for different people) can be especially difficult. This is especially true for letting go of old relationships to make space for better new relationships coming in. Holding on to the past means there is no space to create a new, better future and hence letting go is the easy way out. Holding on to the past also meant living in the past and putting ourselves through the same nightmare again and again when in reality, everything has already changed.Expectations: One of the fastest ways we could return to peace is to let go of expectations. Expectations only build disappointments when they aren't met. Imagine yourself putting in so much effort and resources to get a first row VIP ticket to the Taylor Swift World Tour only to find when you arrive at the concert to find that you had bought the wrong tickets and was actually attending the concert of Boy George. Expectations that are not met always means pain. If you are expecting someone else to change, to do something, not do something, to become someone, to take care of your needs, u are just setting yourself up for more pain. Letting go of expectations and accepting what is can help us feel peaceful and return us to a balanced, centered state.
Grievances: When we keep holding on to what another person did wrong and how they made us angry, upset or unhappy, we become attached to the grievance. Say if a husband and wife had a major fight and both held on to their grievances towards each other, they wouldn't even have the space to see what truly is the issue or have a chance to work together to overcome it. All they can see in front of them is how wrong or how bad the other person is and hence, the relationship has no space to work itself out. It is the same even if the grievances were towards our family or the people around us. I remember holding a grievance towards someone and as a result, I felt that everything nice they did for me, was "fake". If they gave me a present, I didn't appreciate it. If they took care of me, I assumed they wanted to look good in front of others. It was only when I let go of the grievance that I could truly feel their kindness, care and friendship and enjoy hanging out with them and see them for who they are.
Letting Go Exercise
Here's a simple exercise you can do to work on letting go.- Think of a problem you have right now.
- How do you feel about it?
- If you were to know (use your intuition or just guess), what can you let go of to move out of pain back into joy? (You can refer to Good and bad times, Expectations or Greviances)
- Now imagine the thing you are letting go of is an energy ball and you bring it together and pat it together as if you are making a snowball. Now lay the energy ball out on your open arms and just be willing to get it go.. Keep on letting go till the energy ball as fully dissipated.
- How do you feel about the problem right now?
- Repeat as many times as you like till you find peace or joy.
If this resonated with you, I'd love to have a conversation. I work with people navigating life's biggest transitions — divorce, loss, change, relationships, parenting, and health. Book a free 30-minute discovery call and let's talk about where you are and where you want to go.
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